being emotional, i guess

http://genta-rasa.com/2013/12/02/paksakan-cintanya/#more-2702 The applicable one: 1) ilmu manusia yang terbatas tidak dapat menjangkau ilmu Alah yang maha luas... Quite hard to turn that 50:50 to 100:0 since i had lots to be grateful...limited bonding moment & time to be an adult (oh, hard to let go that enjoy-x-ingat-dunia part... Friendship for few years /more than a decade takkan same dengan new friendship... I know the door was always open for me anytime untuk datang just for leisure(provided tak balik kampung) but it wouldnt be the same... & drastically change lifestyle - from just walking, budget ngam2 dekat2 time masuk keje to drive - although boleh kira berapa traffic light/just ikut jalan kampung je, still a major change for me... & lepaskan a place that i call home & take hampir setahun pilih what i want & conquer it alone & sometimes my buddy jadi maid tak bergaji, which i never asked/expect pun... & switch from paper-oriented work to people-oriented work, oh memang major change... plus xde occupational therapist/ENT junior/X-ray friend/A&E's -bolehla-cari-bila-betul-betul-perlu/dietitian/ that friendly female HOD yang slalu jadi teman borak time lintas jalan nak pegi keje/many familiar faces yang memang xkan jumpa dah... Coupled with the timeframe yang agak singkat dari tempoh apply to supposed-to-be-there date, drastic sangat till i'm in 'septic shock' state(memangla dah agak tapi still, untuk ubah routine few years secara mengejut bila a month ago xterfikir langsung akan buat begini, agak payah)... Or better call it as SIRS / Systemic Inflammatory Response Syndrome... & i havent found any remedy yet except learning to let go everything slowly, so that when the time really come, my mental, at very least favour 51%:49%.... I dont know for sure , but that 50:50 keep me sane in case there's sudden U -turn & let's say, my lifestyle takkan berubah...